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Friday, January 23, 2009

Thoughts Today

After the surgery today I have had great peace when I think about the LOVE that Heavenly Father has for us.

Here are my thoughts I have been having - and i don't think that they have been caused by the drugs:

I feel like Heavenly father has a plan for all of us as his children. I also believe that He follows the natural Laws of nature, science, and physics.

I have had great peace in my heart (and so has Dan) that WE KNOW that heavenly Father has a baby that he is blessing us with; I don't believe at all that just because I miscarried that he would take that blessing away.

I believe that this baby because of science & nature somehow malformed, but that our baby is still waiting, and we will still receive those blessings that Heavenly Father has in store for us... God just has to follow Nature & science -- and when science doesn't malform next time, Our baby will be on its way!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Its better to pull the Band-Aid off quickly!

....Or at least that's what they all say.

Wednesday evening i had sharp cramps (more than just growing pains) and had a little spotting. Since Im sure you knew I was 10 weeks pregnant, you probably already know what this post is all about and I could just stop there.

Most people cant believe it and wonder how this could have happened. Here is what i would tell you if I were talking to you:

I have to have a D&C surgery procedure on tomorrow on Friday and ill be recovering through the weekend so i wont be at church on Sunday, and i rescheduled all this week's work until Tuesday. Im not great in the way of endless sorry's and hugs in a public place, So im glad i wont be at church on Sunday! Lots of friends have texted or e-mailed me and my family got me a very beautiful plant. All this has been wonderful today since Ive cried and cried ... and cried.

I know this is Natures way of taking care of any problems that arise during the pregnancy, and that heavenly father has a plan for Dan and I; and it involves healthy babies!

Looking back i maybe should have been worried...... I took a pregnancy test (that work at 2 weeks conceived) and went to the doctor at 2.5 weeks conceived. He said everything blood work wise looks good but there not sure how far along i am...but i knew i was 2.5 weeks conceived (4.5 pregnant).
At what i thought would be 9 weeks pregnant he said, there is a good heart beat but you are only 7 weeks pregnant / (5 weeks conceived). .... Thinking about it now, that means my at home pregnancy test would have had to say positive when i was only 2 days conceived, not even expecting my missed period for 12 days. .... SO I know in my heart that something was wrong with the baby and when i think of it in those terms i am not sad and i feel heavenly fathers love for us!!

Today at my appointment (by the doctors terms assuming i was only 7 weeks the last time) the baby should have measured 9.5 weeks but after this last 2 1/2 weeks it only measured 8 weeks AND I was spotting and cramping! And the big deal, NO HEART BEAT. None to be found at all.

...8 weeks in an what i know to be a 12 (or 10) week pregnancy. Either way you do the math i know somewhere deep down that it is better this way. It doesn't take away the sadness, but I know it is better. I am looking up and looking at the brite side. Im sure everything will be just fine. I know its tough but Its really just a disappointment more than anything, I feel as if it was "so hard" for me to get pregnant and now i have to start over.

I know that is not true though. It was not "so hard" for me. We only tried for 4 months.... some people have it way worse than I have.

Things will get better! I know 'it' will happen again. Thanks for your love and friendship!!
Love Merideth