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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Its better to pull the Band-Aid off quickly!

....Or at least that's what they all say.

Wednesday evening i had sharp cramps (more than just growing pains) and had a little spotting. Since Im sure you knew I was 10 weeks pregnant, you probably already know what this post is all about and I could just stop there.

Most people cant believe it and wonder how this could have happened. Here is what i would tell you if I were talking to you:

I have to have a D&C surgery procedure on tomorrow on Friday and ill be recovering through the weekend so i wont be at church on Sunday, and i rescheduled all this week's work until Tuesday. Im not great in the way of endless sorry's and hugs in a public place, So im glad i wont be at church on Sunday! Lots of friends have texted or e-mailed me and my family got me a very beautiful plant. All this has been wonderful today since Ive cried and cried ... and cried.

I know this is Natures way of taking care of any problems that arise during the pregnancy, and that heavenly father has a plan for Dan and I; and it involves healthy babies!

Looking back i maybe should have been worried...... I took a pregnancy test (that work at 2 weeks conceived) and went to the doctor at 2.5 weeks conceived. He said everything blood work wise looks good but there not sure how far along i am...but i knew i was 2.5 weeks conceived (4.5 pregnant).
At what i thought would be 9 weeks pregnant he said, there is a good heart beat but you are only 7 weeks pregnant / (5 weeks conceived). .... Thinking about it now, that means my at home pregnancy test would have had to say positive when i was only 2 days conceived, not even expecting my missed period for 12 days. .... SO I know in my heart that something was wrong with the baby and when i think of it in those terms i am not sad and i feel heavenly fathers love for us!!

Today at my appointment (by the doctors terms assuming i was only 7 weeks the last time) the baby should have measured 9.5 weeks but after this last 2 1/2 weeks it only measured 8 weeks AND I was spotting and cramping! And the big deal, NO HEART BEAT. None to be found at all.

...8 weeks in an what i know to be a 12 (or 10) week pregnancy. Either way you do the math i know somewhere deep down that it is better this way. It doesn't take away the sadness, but I know it is better. I am looking up and looking at the brite side. Im sure everything will be just fine. I know its tough but Its really just a disappointment more than anything, I feel as if it was "so hard" for me to get pregnant and now i have to start over.

I know that is not true though. It was not "so hard" for me. We only tried for 4 months.... some people have it way worse than I have.

Things will get better! I know 'it' will happen again. Thanks for your love and friendship!!
Love Merideth